Klaine Minus One
by Hummel-Anderson
Summary: Kurt couldn't blame him, no matter how much he wanted to, or how much people told him he should, he just couldn't do it.
1. Chapter 1

Kurt didn't blame him.

It was a 2 weeks before their daughter Melody was born when Blaine got cold feet and ran. Melody was now 15 and Kurt hadn't seen Blaine since. The father and daughter relied on each other for everything. When Melody was little she used to wake up and hear her father crying in the living room of their New York apartment. She didn't like when her father cried. He said it was because he missed her Daddy, but when she asked where her Daddy was, he always brushed it off and changed the subject not wanting her to know what really happened.

Because Kurt didn't blame him.

That's why when he was cleaning the bathroom one day and heard her singing he got worried about her. He walked into her room and sat on her bed while she finished her song.

_Daddy Daddy don't leave_  
_I'll do anything to keep you  
Right here with me  
Can't you see how much I need you_

_Daddy Daddy don't leave_  
_Mommy's saying things she don't mean_  
_She don't know what she's talking about_  
_Somebody hear me out_

_Father listen_  
**_Tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go_**  
_Father save him_  
_I would do anything in return_  
_I'll clean my room_  
_Try hard in school_  
_I'll be good_  
_I promise you_  
_Father, Father_  
_I pray to you_

"Baby girl are you okay?" Kurt asked his tone leaking with worry.

"No. I'm not actually. I'm 15 years old now and I think I deserve to know the story about my other father," she said with that attitude that made her sound exactly like Blaine, he was her biological father after all.

"You're just like him," was all he said.

"You've said that before Daddy, I want to know his name, why he isn't here with us completing our family, I want to know why after 15 years you still haven't found someone else. I want to know why you use to stay up after I was asleep and cry about him. I want to know."

Kurt was crying now, he really hoped this day would never come when he would have to explain Blaine Anderson to their daughter.

Because he didn't blame him.

When Kurt had pictured what explaining his and Blaine's relationship was to their daughter he never pictured him being alone, he always pictured all of them at a picnic or something. Laying casually in Blaine's embrace stealing kisses and their daughter declaring their kissing gross, but it wasn't like that.

"Are you sure baby? Fairytales don't always have a happy ending," said Kurt wiping away the tears he had shed. Melody gave her Dad a hug and patted him on the back, she was used to having to take care of him sometimes, and he didn't have a husband to do that.

"Yes, I'm sure," was all she said. She was determined to know the man who caused her father so much pain.

"Okay, but if it gets to be too much just tell me okay, it's a lot to take in."

"I will Daddy, I promise."

"Okay, well to start off he is your biological father and he is beautiful, just like you. His name is Blaine Anderson and he is the love of my life that answers 2 of your questions. Next he isn't here because about 2 weeks before you were born he got to nervous and he ran. I haven't seen him since.

I used to stay up and cry all the time because no matter how much I wanted to hate him for leaving us I never could because he was and probably still is my one and only true love. And I just missed him so much and didn't understand why he left."

"Oh Daddy I'm so sorry! He sounds like an ass and definitely doesn't deserve your love!" she said squeezing her crying father closer to her chest.

"No, don't blame him, I don't. This is why I didn't want to tell you, I knew you would think that way."

"But Daddy, he abandoned us, how could I not hate him?" she asked very confused.

"Sweet heart, your Daddy was the most compassionate, loving, talented, moral, gorgeous, trustworthy, funny, caring and loyal man I have ever met. But he got nervous, and being nervous does that to people.

"How did he leave?" she asked now more intrigued about this Blaine character who was supposed to be her father.

Kurt choked back a sob that was the one thing that always made him cry. "Uhm, one day when I came home from work I came home to an empty house minus all of his things and a note left on our bed it said;

_Kurt, My love,_

_I am so sorry for doing this to you._

_I just know that I can't do this, I can't become my father and I won't let you become my mother._

_I know you are going to provide the very best for our little girl, if you want to call her that._

_Please know that I will NEVER stop loving you as long as I live, and I vow to never love another._

_I hope to god that you find someone though, someone who will love you and provide for you and Melody (if you still decide to use the name we picked out) and give you the things I am too much of a coward to give. _

_You are the love of my life Kurt, I am so sorry._

_Blaine Anderson_

I found the letter; it had tear stains on it. That was the last I ever saw or heard of him."

"Do you still have it?"

"Yeah, it's locked away somewhere in the attic, when he left I was a mess, I never left the house and I swear I must have cried for days straight, I didn't eat or sleep I just laid in our bed. I wore the one shirt he forgot to take and didn't talk to anyone. Until the day you were born, and Yes before you ask I still have his shirt. Actually if I'm not mistaken you have it."

"Which one?" she screamed.

He went to her closet and pulled out her pajama shirt that said Dalton Academy Warbler's on it. She gasped. That was her favourite shirt, she always liked it because no matter how many times Kurt washed it, it always smelt like her Daddy and something else, something she could never quite put her finger on. And now she knew, it was Blaine her other Dad, the one who abandoned and left her father to raise what was technically his child by himself.

"Daddy, that's my favourite shirt," she whispered.

"I know darling, it's mine too."

Kurt didn't blame him.

He didn't blame him because when he ran he left behind the most important thing in Kurt's life and he wouldn't change her for the world.

So Kurt chose not to blame him.

**OKAY BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO DISOWN ME FOR WRITING THIS PLEASE JUST KNOW THAT I WAS INSPIRED BY THE SONG MELODY SINGS CALLED DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL – FRANKIE J, IT MAKES ME CRY EVERYTIME I LISTEN TO IT AND I REALLY WANTED TO WRITE SOEMTHING ABOUT THIS. **

**IF I GET ENOUGH REVIEWS I WILL CONTINUE IT AND HAVE AN INTERACTION BETWEEN BLAINE AND MELODY AND MAYBE ALL THREE OF THEM THAT IS IF I GET ENOUGH REVIEWS SO PLEASE REVIEW BECAUSE I WANT TO WRITE IT!**

**HUMMEL - ANDERSON**


	2. Chapter 2

**MELODY'S POINT OF VIEW**

Later that night Melody was alone in her room, she good hear her father's light snores wafting in from his bedroom across the hall, he said that all the talking about Blaine and the crying he did made him really tired so he decided to go to sleep early. Melody on the other hand couldn't sleep if her life depended on it. She still had so many questions that she didn't want to ask her father out of fear he might start crying again. She wanted to know Blaine's ide of the story and he wanted to know how he just up and left her amazing father.

She was so thankful to have Kurt as her Daddy he was always there for her as her rock. When she was little and teased because her Daddy wasn't like all the other Daddies. He was there through her awkward teenage style phase and whenever she needed help. But he didn't have anyone to be his rock, because no matter how many times he told her that she was all he needed, she still knew that there was a missing puzzle piece in her father's life.

And thanks to a little help for a trusty old website called Facebook she was going to find that missing puzzle piece for him, and at the same time she was going to get the answers to all of her questions. Blaine was her birth father after all, so that had to mean something to him. So she logged on and searched for him. After several failed attempts she finally found the right one, she knew it was the right one because the picture matched the one that her father had always kept in his bed side table. She clicked on the message button and started scrolling out her teenage girl thoughts;

_Mr. Anderson,_

_As you probably know my name is Melody D. Hummel, and I am Kurt Hummel's daughter. I just have a few questions that need answers and I know that you can give them to me. I know that you are my birth father and I know that you left more poor father weeks before I was born, I know you ran like a coward and left my Dad to raise me by himself and I know that he doesn't blame you, which is the strangest thing to me. Even though he doesn't blame you, I do. _

_Sorry if this sounds rude at all but how could you do that to him. To us? It's been fifteen years now, my father; he still loves you. And the worst part is that you are probably married and have children now. While he still is alone because he can't let go of you and I don't think he wants too. And not to mention leaving him how you did! _

_My father is the strongest, most compassionate, loving, loyal, honest, pure and amazing man I know and you through that all away because of a little fear? I know I don't understand everything but I got the gist, the very heart breaking gist. _

_But despite all that, I want to meet you. I need to see you and I think it would help for you to see me too. My father knows none of this and he never will until I decide he gets too. If and when you message me back we can set up a time and place._

_Please, I know you probably don't care about me or anything but it would mean so much to be if you would respond._

_Melody Dalton Hummel._

She sighed and hit send, it was getting late so she decided she better head to bed because she had school the next day. All she could do now was wait and pray to Cheesus that Blaine Anderson was kind enough to reply to her.

**BLAINE'S POINT OF VIEW**

Blaine was miserable, he was still single since he left Kurt fifteen years ago and he had always felt empty knowing what he was missing out on. He hadn't talked to anyone in the Hummel-Hudson-Berry family since he left Kurt and he didn't want too, because he was afraid of what they would say to him and he was afraid of it because he knew every bit of it would be true. They were going to tell him he is an ass, and a coward for leaving Kurt when he needed him the most, and they would tell him how much he hurt Kurt and how perfect his life is now and that Blaine deserves to be alone. It was all true, and Blaine couldn't face that.

He lived in the east part of New York in a tiny old studio apartment and he worked as a singing waiter at a crappy old pub around the corner. After he left Kurt he had moved to Colorado to stay with his sister and her family but even they were judgmental of him for what he did to Kurt, because they loved him to. So he left after a few months and moved around the country for a few years. Until he finally got up the courage to go and find Kurt and apologize and beg for his forgiveness, but when he got back to their house in New York he found new people living in it and a disconnected phone number. Ever since he has been living in New York letting the pain of what he did to his life sink in and take over his body.

It was a Tuesday night and Blaine was just getting home from work, when he got home he dumped all of his stuff on the bed in the corner of the room and made himself a cup of coffee in his old Lima Bean cup Kurt got him for their first Christmas as friends. He chuckled as he remembered that year.

Once he had his coffee he went over to the small desk next to his bed and turned on his computer and logged on to Facebook to play one of the games when he noticed that he had one new message, he clicked to see who it was. Nothing could have prepared him for who it was from.

_**1 New Message from Melody Dalton Hummel.**_

Blaine couldn't believe his eyes, he hadn't heard anything about their baby since he left and now here she was out of nowhere 15 years later, with the name that he and Kurt had originally picked for their daughter, he didn't even know who's baby it actually was, but he prayed it was Kurt's because if the situations were reversed and Blaine was living with Kurt's child it would kill him inside to have that constant reminder of what he lost. He clicked it open to read what it said.

_Mr. Anderson,_

_As you probably know my name is Melody D. Hummel, and I am Kurt Hummel's daughter. I just have a few questions that need answers and I know that you can give them to me. I know that you are my birth father and I know that you left more poor father weeks before I was born, I know you ran like a coward and left my Dad to raise me by himself and I know that he doesn't blame you, which is the strangest thing to me. Even though he doesn't blame you, I do. _

_Sorry if this sounds rude at all but how could you do that to him. To us? It's been fifteen years now, my father; he still loves you. And the worst part is that you are probably married and have children now. While he still is alone because he can't let go of you and I don't think he wants too. And not to mention leaving him how you did! _

_My father is the strongest, most compassionate, loving, loyal, honest, pure and amazing man I know and you through that all away because of a little fear? I know I don't understand everything but I got the gist, the very heart breaking gist. _

_But despite all that, I want to meet you. I need to see you and I think it would help for you to see me too. My father knows none of this and he never will until I decide he gets too. If and when you message me back we can set up a time and place._

_Please, I know you probably don't care about me or anything but it would mean so much to be if you would respond._

_Melody Dalton Hummel._

Blaine's heart dropped out of his chest and fell on the floor and broke into a million irreparable pieces. He rushed over to the tiny bathroom and vomited anything he had currently stored in his stomach. He was Melody's birth father and Kurt was still single because he still loved Blaine? It was all too much to handle.

He regained some composure and went back to his computer too type out a reply to Melody, he did want to see her and see what she was like, but he didn't feel right going behind Kurt's back to see her because it was legally his decision.

_How much more can I possibly hurt him? _Thought Blaine. So he decided to see Melody.

**Dearest Melody, **

**I blame me to. I know that, and I have reasons, I promise.**

**I would love to see you and answer any and all questions you have, whenever you're free. Please let me know and as you wish I won't say anything to Kurt.**

**Blaine Anderson**

He hit send then leaned back in his chair, he couldn't believe what was happening, all he knew is that he need to see this girl and get to know her and hopefully in due time he would get to see Kurt, because if he was being honest he never stopped loving him.

**MELODY'S POINT OF VIEW**

The next morning Melody got up and got dressed really quickly then logged into Facebook to see if she had a reply from Blaine. She did, she read it and then typed a short reply already thinking of an excuse she could tell Kurt so she could go meet Blaine.

_Blaine, _

_I go to East New York Secondary School, I finish at 2 o'clock you can pick me up then and we can go to Central Park._

_Melody Dalton Hummel_

She was about to log off when she got reply back from Blaine;

**Sounds good, see you then.**

She logged off and went to the kitchen to eat her breakfast of an orange and vitamin water with her father.

"Hey Daddy?" asked Melody with her sweetest face and her signature puppy dog eyes.

"What do you want darling?" asked Kurt with a smirk on her face.

"Can I go to the park after school with my friends Amber and Jen?"

"Sure, be home by 5 though okay?" Kurt said sternly.

"Yes Daddy, I have to go or I'll miss the bus, see you when I get home!" she said leaving a quick peck on Kurt's cheek.

"Love you!" he shouted behind her.

He cleaned up their plates then left for yet another day of work, lately he felt like he was stuck in a rut and he didn't know what to do to fix that so he decided to call Rachel so they could have a late lunch together in Central park.


	3. Chapter 3

It was nearing two o'clock and Blaine was sitting in his car parked outside of East New York Secondary School waiting to pick up his daughter which he had never met. She rightfully blamed him for all the pain and suffering he had caused Kurt, and most likely already hated him, he was freaking out. He didn't expect this girl to like him but he nonetheless wanted her to. His life was so messed up, he had everything planned out. It was a flawless plan too. He was going to leave Kurt for a few weeks just to sort out his mind and let everything process, but when he went to live his sister in Colorado, being around her children just scared him more.

Then finally, _finally, _after 3 years he was ready to go back and man up and beg for Kurt to take him back. But when he got back to New York, Kurt had moved and changed his number. And he wouldn't dare go asking any of Kurt's friends. So that was it. Kurt had permanently vanished from his life and it was all his fault.

This was all flowing through his head while he waited for Melody. The clock on the dashboard read 1:57. Three more minutes until he would meet his fate, possibly be bitched out or turn into the happiest man alive. As much as he hoped it would be the latter he couldn't help but think that it would be the former. Being raised by Kurt must have given her a wicked attitude and Blaine wasn't sure he was prepared for that wrath quite yet. But he would take what he could get.

The clock struck 2 and the school bell rang. This was it, all or nothing. Blaine was still caught up in his thoughts when he heard a small tap on his passenger side window. There stood a beautiful girl. She looked to be around five and a half feet tall, with dark brown hair that fell in ringlets just beyond her shoulders. She had bright tan skin and gorgeous hazel eyes that were accented by the tiny bit of eye liner and mascara she was wearing. She was also wearing short white shorts and a flowing pink blouse, it was very fashionable and you could tell that Kurt's style had rubbed off on her. Other than her clothes though she looked like a female version of Blaine. Guilt struck in his chest again, for 15 years Kurt had to live and raise his daughter whom looked almost identical to the man that had broken his heart. She knocked on the window once again shaking Blaine from his guilt-driven trance. He unlocked the door and she cautiously opened it before she spoke;

"You're Blaine Anderson right?" she asked warily.

"Yes," he replied. He didn't like the cautious vibe that accompanied her few words. It was like she was afraid of him, or that he would hurt her which was certainly not the case. Once she was satisfied that he was not about to kidnap her she climbed into the car and buckled her seat belt leaving her bag on the floor at her feet and an awkward silence in the air.

"So where did you want to go and talk?" Blaine asked trying to break the ice and at the same time gather some vital information.

"Is Central Park okay?" she asked.

"Certainly," he said before starting the car and beginning the 10 minute drive to the well known park.

Once the two arrived at the back they got out of the car and headed towards an old tree that sat in a secluded corner of the park. It brought back some memories to Blaine, the tree being where they had decided to have melody, and where they had shared so many dates, and just blissful moments together.

They sat down and another awkward silence fell upon the two. Melody looked like she was in a deep thought process and Blaine didn't want to shake her from that. But he was getting super nervous, she hadn't really shown much emotion or opinion since he had picked her up from school so he really had no clue what this girl, his daughter, was thinking.

Finally she broke the silence; "Why'd you leave?" she flat lined. Blaine was a little taken back by her abruptness but was very thankful that she finally broke the silence.

"I didn't want you or Kurt to live the life I lived. My childhood was miserable until I met your father. My dad hated me for being gay and not being absolutely perfect. He was an alcoholic, he was rude and he hated me and my mother. I was scared that I would turn into that and that you and Kurt would turn into me and my mother. He hurt us so much and I could never do that to the people I loved, because even though you weren't born yet I still loved you. And I just had to make sure that you guys would be safe from that because I didn't know what I would do if I ever hurt one of you guys in that way. But as it turns out I did a pretty good job of hurting you guys anyway," he said. Blaine really hated talking about his childhood and his family but if that is what his little girl wanted to know about then she would know. No more secrets or hiding or running away.

"Oh I see, did you ever think about coming back?" she asked again looking genuinely interested in Blaine's life and how it affected hers.

"I did come back, when you would have been about three, I came back and was going to beg for Kurt to take me back. But when I got you guys had moved and phone numbers had been changed and I wouldn't dare go to one of his friends, not after what I did to the both of you.

"I-um-well you see," she began. She looked nervous and rigid, like she was in pain.

"You can tell me anything Melody, I know we've just met and all but you can trust me I'm not going to judge you or hurt you in any way.

"I know that, it's just a little hard to talk about is all," she said effectively reassuring Blaine that it wasn't something he had done that was making her so…uncomfortable. Then he ran her words back through his head and they sparked a hint of curiosity in him.

"What's hard to talk about?" he asked.

"Why we moved and weren't there when you came back, I was kidnapped that summer. And the man who kidnapped me held me up for ransom. Luckily for Grandma and Grandpa Hummel because they found the money and gave it to him so I could go back home. After that we moved and changed our phone number and all of our information is un-listed. So he couldn't come back and find me," she said and Blaine could feel the hot tears pouring down his cheeks. He didn't even know what happened but suddenly he had an arm full of crying Melody.

"Hey don't cry honey, it's all over now right?" he asked his voice heavily laced with concern.

"Yeah it's just a sensitive spot, sorry," she continued before returning to her spot seated next to Blaine on the ground underneath the old oak tree. Blaine nodded his agreement and waited for her to regain her thoughts.

"Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?" she asked him suddenly. He raised a triangular eyebrow at her beckoning her to explain further about exactly what she wanted to know. "I mean like what you've done since you left, like do you have a husband? Kids? Job?" she clarified.

"No I don't have a husband or kids, and I'm a singing waiter at a bar around the corner from my apartment," he answered. He processed what he was saying and realizing that even though it was the truth he wished he would have something else to tell this girl. Something to be proud of that would make him seem less pathetic.

"Do you still love him?" she asked as soon as Blaine was finished talking. He spit out the sip of water he had been drinking and stared blankly at this girl, who was just 15 and yet already so blunt and proper.

"Excuse me?" he asked, just to make sure he heard her right.

"I asked if you still love my father," she repeated. She raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him just like Kurt used to do, if it weren't such a serious moment he probably would have chuckled. By her looks there was no doubt that she was Blaine's biological child, but her attitude and just the way she carried herself with such confidence and poise. You could tell that she was Kurt's daughter.

"I don't think I ever stopped loving him, I know you're still young and all, so I don't expect you too understand my intentions and you are allowed to be biased because what I did unintentionally hurt you too but I left because of how much I loved you and you're father. I would step in front of a bullet or a train I would die a thousand times over still to this day, if it meant you guys would be safe. I left because I didn't want to turn into my father who abused the once unconditional love he had from me and my mother. It didn't mean I loved you both any less. It just meant that I was willing to give up my happiness if I thought that it would be better for you. I got scared Melody, my father had called me a few days prior to my leaving just to remind me how worthless I was and how much he hoped that I would be a terrible dad. It scared me so much because I had so much over whelming love that I wanted to share with the two of you but I couldn't put you at risk," he chuckled, it was just like him to drag out a simple yes or no question like this. "So to answer your question more specifically, yes I still love Kurt and I still love you. Even though I know that I don't deserve either of you or your father's love, I do still love you both very much."

"He still loves you too you know," she said. Blaine immediately started sweating. She was 15, should he really believe her. She was acting far beyond her years but could she be trusted or was she trying to play with his feelings because of how much pain he had caused the man, they both loved.

"What do you mean?" he settled for asking.

"I mean he's still in love with you and if he saw you he could probably just forgive you on the spot and he would be willing to pick up like nothing ever happened. But I don't want that. I don't mind if you do want to talk to my father and get to know him again. But I don't want it too be like nothing happened. Blaine, I don't want to make you feel bad but you really hurt him. He still has the letter you wrote when you left, and he still has pictures of you guys hanging up in his room. And every time Uncle Nick and Uncle Jeff come over or Auntie Lily and Luke and Bryan come over he always ends up in tears because he says they remind him of you. I mean I always understood why seeing Auntie Lily, Luke and Bryan made him cry. I mean she is your sister but Uncle Nick and Uncle Jeff aren't related to you are they?" she asked. Blaine was shell shocked; his own sister had been going behind his back for 15 years and seeing his daughter and his Kurt, while she shared none of that information with him. But he could also understand why she hadn't told him. He had made his decision long ago that he would not be a part of their life.

"We went to high school with them, I didn't realize they still kept in touch with Kurt, I haven't talked to them in years," he said. Life had changed so much and it was all a little overwhelming to Blaine. He had basically cut off all contact with everyone from his life with Kurt other than Wes, but even then they weren't as close as they had once been. And Wes lived in Florida so they rarely saw each other.

"Uncle Nick and Uncle Jeff lived with us until I was about 12. They basically helped raise me. My dad just needed the extra help and they had always been really close and we had the room. So once you left they moved in about a week after I was born. But when I was 12 Uncle Nick got offered a job in Lima when his dad passed away, so they moved back there. Now they try to visit as often as they can though," she filled him in. Blaine was starting to feel queasy his friends from high school whom he hadn't spoken too in well over 15 years had basically raised his child instead of him. She could tell that he was feeling overwhelmed with all this new information so she decided it would be best to give him a minute before continuing on with their catch-up session.

She gave him another minute or so before she spoke; "Would you want to see him again?" she asked obviously hoping it would be a yes. In all honesty, despite the fact that he had hurt her dad so much she liked the man, and could tell however why he loved him. Before Blaine could answer the question he saw him. He was standing a little up the path way with a shocked looking Rachel; he looked close to tears and was definitely hyperventilating. All Blaine could do was stare back at him. What was he supposed to do in a moment like that? He had just saw him for the first time in 15 years, sitting in the park with _his daughter. _Then Blaine decided to get up and walk over to him to try and explain the situation. A move that would forever change his future. E If Uf


	4. Chapter 4

The walk over to where Kurt and Rachel were standing staring back at Melody and I was the longest walk of my life. In reality it only took about 25 seconds to walk over but it felt like I was walking over to be executed which made it seem longer. Every bad thing I had ever done involving Kurt was suddenly banging around in my brain; leaving him being the most prominent.

I faintly noticed Melody walking beside me but wasn't sure how she was feeling. I guessed that she wasn't feeling the best right now either. She had gone behind her father's back to see the man whom he probably really didn't want her to. I was just praying that he didn't get mad at her; it was my fault after all. She had contacted me but she's just a child, I am the adult in the situation and I should have said no to meet her. But I let my curiosity cloud my judgement; I was the one who deserved the blame.

We stopped a few feet in front of them creating space but still being close enough that we could communicate. Rachel wore a stern look that scared the absolute living crap out of me. And I'm sure it did for Melody too. Out of all the New Directions Rachel had always been the one who was sceptical about me, and she in turn was right. I had hurt Kurt immensely and I could only imagine all the pieces that she had to help put back together once I left. I could never ask her forgiveness.

If felt numb; I couldn't really make out my surroundings. I was aware of what was happening but not totally there. The colour seemed to drain from the world and all the way left was grey. I could register voices from people who were passing by but all I could hear was a dull throb in place of their words.

I looked over to Melody; she had tears running down he cheeks, as did Kurt. I started wondering if I should say something but my question was quickly answered by Kurt who flung himself at me and engulfed me in the biggest hug ever known to man. His arms wrapped around my back as he shook violently from the sobs that were wracking through his body.

Naturally my arms flew around him too securing the hug when I had no right too. I hated to admit it to myself but it felt natural; like home, which was something I hadn't experienced in years.

But as fast as the hug started it ended. Kurt pulled himself away from me like I had the plague and his hand flew over his mouth in shock. Like he hadn't thought I was real until he touched me. He looked around obviously searching for Melody, his eyes landed on her and they narrowed.

Just when it looked like he was going to say something the hand that wasn't over his mouth came up and slapped me square across the face; hard and fast. Normally if a person just got slapped in the face they would be angry; but this was Kurt. And at least I was feeling. It took away from the dreaded numbness that had taken over my body.

Before I could say anything else Kurt reached out and took Melody by the hand and walked away with Rachel close behind. I wanted to run after them, make him talk to me. I wanted to apologize; but I couldn't do that too him. If we were going to have any interactions Kurt was going to be the one to initiate it.

So I stood there. I felt numb and sick to my stomach but I stood there in the middle of Central Park. After a few minutes it started to rain, I should have noticed the dark gray clouds earlier but I was so caught up in my head I couldn't be bothered to notice. The cool rain drops hitting my skin felt refreshing in a way; just another sign that he wasn't totally numb. But in other ways it felt terrible; like a bitch slap from nature scolding me for every thing I had ever done that was wrong.

After I don't know how long I felt a hand on my shoulder indicating the presence of another person. I lifted my eyes from where they had settled on the ground to see Rachel. It's safe to say she was the last person I had expected that person too be. I would have been less shocked if it was the President or Chuck Norris.

She didn't say anything but she kept her hand firm on my shoulder and nodded over to a little coffee shop at the edge of the park. I sensed she wanted to talk and I was not about to deny Kurt's very pissed off best friend anything so I walked in the direction she was nodding.

We walked into the quaint little coffee shop and were bombarded by the fresh smell of coffee and donuts. I pondered for a second whether or not to keep walking over to a table; I came to the conclusion that having something in my hands would be a nice distraction from the yelling I was sure to experience in the near future.

"Do you-" I trailed off not sure if asking Rachel if she wanted me to buy her coffee was appropriate but then I realised I was screwed either way so decided to just take the risk; it was only polite. "Do you want something?" I asked motioning to the menu that was filled with choices.

For the first time in over 15 years she spoke to me; "Iced Grande Caramel Macchiato extra dry, single, skinny" she said before walking away to a table. She left me in a gape; she exuded confidence that I had forgotten she had and it was refreshing.

I walked up to the counter and ordered are drinks, it didn't take very long because there wasn't anybody else in line and soon I was headed over to where Rachel was sitting; I prepared myself for the worse.

"Here's you coffee" I said trying to break the ice. Rachel however was doing a very good job keeping the ice nice and firm.

"Why?" she asked.

"Excuse me?" I said a little startled by her abruptness.

"Why did you leave?" she clarified.

_Oh _I thought to myself. I tried to avoid talking about it at all costs and that day I had to explain it twice. I was not a happy camper.

"Rachel, things are _really_ complicated" I explained using emphasis when I said really because things were really complicated.

"I don't care; I've got time and you are going to make time to explain to me why you left the supposed 'love of your life' and you child. Why you just up and left with not so much as a goodbye. It's crazy Blaine! Absolutely crazy! You were supposed to be the one that saved Kurt and made him happy for the rest of his life! But you were the one who RUINED it. He would kill me if he knew I was here right now; making you uncomfortable and questioning you, which is the craziest thing of them all! So you Mr. I'm-so-dapper-and-charming-and-I'll-never-hurt-but-nevermind-I'm-going-to-run-away-and-abandon-you-and-our-daughter-because-I-got-cold-feet!" she half whispered and half yelled.

I honestly didn't have an answer for her. I knew why I left but the way she put it made me sound like I murdered his family or something. But I knew she was right. And I also knew that there was no way she was going to let me leave without giving her some kind of explanation that she deemed reasonable.

"Rachel I love Kurt. When I left it was never my intention to hurt him; but there are so many things that you don't know about that factor in here. I honestly NEVER meant to cause him pain. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to go through with it if I said goodbye in person because if he even asked me once to stay I would have. But…at the time leaving was what made sense in my head. And trust me when I say I had reasons as to why it made sense. I completely understand that I have absolutely no right to be here right now Rachel, honestly I do. But yesterday when Melody contacted me on Facebook I just couldn't say no. I know you don't care about me but these years have been hard on me too; not knowing where my daughter and the love of my life were, not being able to find love ever again because I was- and still am in love with Kurt. I let my curiosity get the better of me because Melody was what I had been searching for all the years; a way back into their lives and a way to make it seem to myself like I hadn't messed up our entire lives. I totally expected Kurt to be married and happy and having totally forgotten about me. He is the most amazing man I have ever met and I still don't understand how someone hasn't snatched him up. So I fully understand if you want to just sit here and yell at me for a while now" I finished with a sigh and a deep breath ready for the onslaught of Rachel's anger.

"It's because he still loves you Blaine" she said calmly.

_Well, not what I was expecting but I'll take it _I thought.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I had a pretty good idea of what she meant but I needed to hear it come out of her mouth.

"No one has snatched him up because he still loves you. Every guy that's even approached him he's turned down; and he's been approached by some fine looking men. He still has all the old pictures of you two and he still cries sometimes about you leaving. It was probably one of the worst things that had ever happened to him, and if he hadn't had Melody too look out for I don't know where he'd be. Blaine when you left it ruined him, but he still pushes all the pain aside and loves you. And he doesn't blame you either"

"Then why'd he slap me?" I asked to what I thought was the voice in my head but apparently was out loud.

"Does it matter? He was confused, and he had every right to slap you. Just feel lucky it was him who hit you because if it were me there would have been a lot more pain. I'm going to come right out and say it. I don't like you Blaine, and there was such a long time where I hated your guts. Every body did. But I also know that you are probably the only other person in the world who can make Kurt truly happy other than Melody. So if you guys decide to talk things out and be friends than I'm not going to stop you. But before you interact with him anymore make sure you are actually going to be there for the long haul because Kurt's heart can only break so many times before it cracks" and with that she stood up and left the café leaving me stunned and with a lot to think about.


	5. Chapter 5

Once Rachel left the coffee shop, I sat, stunned, in the exact same place. I couldn't believe that Kurt still loved me like I loved him. Rachel must have been playing a cruel joke on me because if Kurt did actually feel that way, then I would be the luckiest man to ever walk planet earth.

But Melody had also told me the exact same thing. Twice. And I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I needed to talk to Kurt. I needed to find out if it was true. But I still knew that I couldn't make the first move if I was going to end up at least being on civil terms with him.

In all honesty, talking with Rachel had confused the hell out of me, as if I wasn't already confused beyond a point of return before. Kurt had spotted me, and then he had hugged me as if things had never changed, and then he slapped me across the face cold and harsh.

But Rachel was right when she had said that Kurt deserved to slap me; because he did. I hadn't really felt any anger after the slap; I was just oh so confused.

Rachel had said she wanted me to be friends with Kurt again, but she had also made it pretty clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. But she had also mentioned that I needed to get my shit together first. And that was so very right.

I needed to make up my mind once and for all as to what to do. Ever since I had left Kurt and Melody behind all those years ago, I had been living with the flow, never staying in one apartment too long, and always just going along with what ever came up.

I had royally screwed up on the last decisions I had made, so I was always scared I would repeat those same mistakes. But not only was I inconspicuous, but I was lonely. Sure, I had been approached and been on a few dates, but nothing ever got far enough for even a kiss.

Every time I would try and move on, something would remind me of Kurt, and how he was my perfect match he was the key to my heart and my soul mate. No one else seemed to be able to bring that sense to me like he had. I felt it with Kurt the minute I laid eyes on him all those years back at Dalton.

Things had been so much simpler back then. Our biggest worries were not turning in an essay on time because we had gotten caught up snuggling the night before it was due. Or getting caught making out in the janitor's closet because we didn't have enough time to go back to our dorm, but we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves for another minute. Sometimes, I wish we could go back and be those teenage boys who were desperately in love with each other again, and not the people who we had grown up to become.

If I had been given the chance, I would go back and change it all. I would have talked to Kurt about my fears instead of running from what probably would have been the best thing in my life. I would have let him comfort me and I would have cried in his arms but things would have been okay, or better at least.

Then I would have gotten over it and we would have gotten our beautiful baby girl and lived happily ever after.

But I had ruined it. I made it a thing to try and not regret decisions I made in my life as a way of keeping myself happy. But leaving Kurt that day was one thing that I would always regret until the day I died.

After what had only seemed like minutes, but must have been hours, I felt a soft feminine hand touch my shoulder. I looked up to see a barista. The coffee shop had emptied out completely and night had fallen upon the city.

"We're closing down now, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave." she said politely.

"Okay I was just leaving anyways." I said quickly as I tried to cover up the fact that I had been spaced out for what must have been hours. "Do you happen to have the time by any chance?" I asked. I flashed a small charming smile at the young barista.

She visibly swooned before checking her phone which she kept in her apron. "It's midnight; you were out of it for quite sometime. The other girls told me you walked in here around four." she said casually. I had a bad feeling that she was trying to hit on me. And I really wasn't in the mood to turn down another girl at the moment. Kurt was currently the only person on his mind.

"Thanks" I said quickly. Before she could say anything else to me, I was walking out of the small coffee shop- The New Yorker's Cafe- I noticed it was called. I walked out into the cool air; it felt nice against my warm skin. It felt nice to stretch my legs; I had been sitting in the shop for longer than it had seemed. I just had so much running through my head that I hadn't even noticed what was going on around me.

I slowly made my way back to my apartment. It was quite a long walk, especially in the cool New York air, but after a while, I made it safely into my apartment. Briefly, I thought about going to sleep, but my brain quickly dismissed that thought. So instead, I settled for going on Facebook and playing some of their pointless games. I opened my computer and brought my Facebook page up. When I logged in, I noticed I had three new messages. It was odd because I honestly never had messages on Facebook other than the one from Melody the previous day.

I clicked on the message icon; turns out I had another one from Melody, one from Rachel and… I couldn't believe my eyes. The third message was from Kurt.

He clicked on the first one that was from Melody;

_Blaine, _

_I'm so sorry about earlier. I was actually really enjoying talking to you, you've really helped clear some things that I was always wondering about up. I understand why you left now and while I certainly am not ready to fully forgive you I think I could one day. _

_I don't know about you but I kind of felt like there was a connection between us; which is probably because you are my biological father after all. And even though things may be complicated, I don't want to lose contact with you. I'd like to have you as part of my life. _

_In case you were wondering, I didn't get into much trouble about earlier. My Dad was more just in shock than anything else; he was just upset that I went behind his back. I hope you're okay too, Dad seemed to slap you pretty hard earlier. _

_Please don't give up on us again._

_-Melody Dalton Hummel_

I was totally dumbstruck. For a fifteen year old girl, she really knew how to pull at your heartstrings just from her writing. I knew at that moment that I would do anything to be a part of my little girl's life.

I knew it would be hard, but I honestly couldn't find a care to give. I had my doubts and reservations all those years ago, but now they didn't seem like a prominent worry and I couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like if I hadn't have bailed all those years ago.

I felt a pang of guilt seep through my body; it felt like vile. I could have saved such pain and heartache for so many people on the off chance that something would have happened between Kurt and I. But I didn't. I ran like the coward I am. I had always preached courage to Kurt when really I was the one who needed it.

I typed a reply;

_Melody, _

_I hope you know that I never stopped loving you. I loved you from the minute I found out we were having a baby. I just hope you know this. _

_I would love to be a part of your life. It would mean more than the world to me but first there are a lot of things that I need to sort out first. It won't be an immediate thing, but I hope we can work something out. _

_Please take care of your Dad. I'm sure you've already done a wonderful job. You, little girl, have so much courage running through your blood I don't even know how to fathom it. You stood up and helped your Dad when I was too much of a coward to, and for that I will always be eternally grateful. _

_I love you little girl, please don't ever forget that. I'll keep in touch._

_-Blaine_

I hit reply. I felt so drained. Today had probably been the most emotional day I've had in a long time. I hadn't been expecting much out of meeting Melody that day. I had expected her yelling at me and telling I was worthless and that I never deserved the love of her father. I was used to that, as I'd heard it all before; mostly from myself.

But to hear her, and even Rachel, tell me that Kurt didn't hate me; nor did they and the fact that Kurt still might love me like I love him. It was all so overwhelming and I had no one to vent it all to.

I sighed and went over to my fridge and pulled out a beer before settling back at my computer and opened the next message which was from Rachel;

_Blaine, _

_I hope you are considering what we talked about earlier. I know that deep down you still do care about Kurt and Melody, but you also need to know how much you hurt them both and that it's going to take some work if you want to be a part of their lives again; which I hope you do. _

_I wanted to apologize for taking my frustrations out on you earlier; you have to understand though that for all those years that you were gone, I was the one that was taking care of Kurt. _

_I made sure he ate and slept. I was there for him when Melody got tonsillitis when she was two, and on her first day of kindergarten when Kurt needed a shoulder to mourn the loss of his baby girl on; it was my shoulder he used. Or when she graduated from middle school and became a lady; that was me there, not you._

_I've also spent the last fifteen years of my life trying to convince Kurt that when you left it wasn't his fault. He blamed himself for you leaving. He would always say that maybe if he would have been skinnier or manlier that you wouldn't have been so repulsed and that you would have stayed._

_Now I don't know if that's why you left, but I pray to God that it isn't, because that would make you one sick person, Blaine. But because I do know you, I doubt that's the reason you left him. _

_I guess I'm just trying to say that I hope you are thinking about what you've done, but I also hope that you are considering righting your wrongs. And while I don't understand what you've done, I do understand that Kurt won't be happy until you've at least given him closure. _

_Just please don't do anything until you're sure that you won't break his heart…again. He deserves better than that, and you of all people should understand that. _

_-Rachel Barbara Berry_

I had tears in my eyes about half way through reading Rachel's message. I knew I had screwed up but I didn't think I had screwed up that bad. I furiously wiped at my face, not wanting admit to even myself that I had lost my cool.

I hadn't cried in years then all of a sudden I'm a babbling water works show, and it was all because of one event. Even if Kurt and I had no further contact, seeing him again would change my future either way. Knowing that he's somewhere in the city, I would always be looking for him. It's what you do for the one you love.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to type anything coherent after reading Kurt's message so I typed out a quick reply to Rachel.

_Rachel,_

_I know when you came and talked to me earlier it wasn't for my benefit, but you truly helped me and inspired me. I know I am not a very good person, trust me, I know this. But I do know that I've never stopped loving Kurt or Melody. _

_I also can't thank you enough for what you've done to help Kurt through the years. You didn't have to, but you did and I will be forever thankful to you for that. _

_I hope that one day you can forgive me for what I've done and we can be friends again because I did always like you. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're the only girl I've ever kissed? Who knows?_

_Thank you once again for everything. I am forever in debt to you._

_-Blaine Anderson._

The tears were still streaming down my cheeks much to my resistance. I hated showing weakness, but you can only be so strong before you break. And frankly, Kurt was and has always been my breaking point.

Shakily, I clicked on the message icon again and selected Kurt's message. My heart was thumping at a mile per minute and I felt all the colour drain from my cheeks. I knew Kurt would be mad, and the scariest thing that I had ever encountered was Kurt when he was mad, annoyed, or just generally in a bad mood.

But this was Kurt, and I couldn't be my usual coward self. I needed to be a man and face the music, so I did. I opened the letter and started to read, my heart shattered into millions of tiny pieces with each word I read.

_Dearest Blaine,_

_Blaine, I am so sorry. I don't know what I did that made you leave me all those years ago but whatever it is I'm so very sorry for it. If only I'd taken better care of myself, instead of skipping all those gym sessions so we could spend time together. I know I'm not perfect but ever since you left I've gotten better. I don't skip my times at the gym anymore and I've never looked better. And I did it for you._

_I know you probably don't want a cow for a boyfriend, hence why you left me before. But life without you isn't life. At least not to me it isn't. I've tried to move on, but every time I try, something holds me back; you. I can't move on because nobody else is you. _

_And I'm just so sorry that I couldn't give you everything you deserved in a man. You have no idea how sorry I am that you couldn't find that with me. I wish everyday that you had. _

_I still keep all of our pictures up around the house. It sort of looks like you never actually left, it gives me that sense of…safety. And I want you to know that even though Melody is yours biologically, I still love her. People ask me all the time how that's possible, but she's just another reminder that you were real and that I didn't dream the time we were together._

_I also want you to know that I'm not going to stop you from seeing her. She's yours too. She's always been yours too. Your name…I put it on her birth certificate too. You leaving was still so fresh and I thought that maybe you might come back and realize that you could still love me like I love you. _

_And I also wanted to apologize for slapping you earlier. I had no right to do it and I honestly don't know why I did it. It was just that tiny part of me that doesn't blame me for you leaving. But that's no excuse and I'm sorry._

_Now I know you probably have a husband and other kids now, so I'm sorry for taking up more time than I deserve, spilling my heart out for you, but I just needed to get this off of my chest. Rachel's great and stuff to talk to, but she just doesn't always get it. _

_I don't care how terrible anyone says it is, but I love you. You have always been the one Blaine, always. Maybe we could get coffee or something, I would love to hear about your life now; maybe it would help me move on. _

_I never stopped loving you Blaine. _

_Always yours,_

_Kurt Hummel._

In the moments after I finished reading Kurt's message I'm pretty sure I didn't breathe, my heart didn't beat and I shit my pants. I felt like vomiting up the contents of my stomach and crawling in a whole to die a long and painful death.

But I wasn't so lucky as I was still there, sitting in front of my computer in my beat up old apartment, with tears furiously racing down my face, followed my an onslaught of more tears that showed no sign of ever letting up.

My body felt like it had been hollowed out and replaced by an immense feeling of guilt and regret. I could feel the bile crawling its way out of my stomach and slowly up my throat. I swallowed shakily trying to suppress the nauseous feeling.

It didn't work though as I was quickly running to my bathroom and vomiting all that I had eaten in the past few days into my poor unfortunate toilet. I brushed away the beads of sweat on my forehead after I was finished.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face before I went back to my computer. If possible, I felt weaker than I had before.

I couldn't even begin to comprehend or fathom what Kurt had just told me. He thought I left because of him; like that he wasn't good enough for me, even though in my mind if anyone wasn't going to be good for someone it would be me for him.

And then there was the fact that he still loved me. I felt like I could scream it from the top of the highest building in the world. Kurt Hummel, my one and only love, my soul mate, still loved me, Blaine Anderson, royal fuck up and home wrecker extraordinaire.

I felt like the luckiest man in the world. It was then in that moment that I decided that I would do anything possible to make myself worthy of Kurt's love.

Tears still racing down my face, I took a deep breath and set my fingers on my computer keys. I tried to blink new tears out of my eyes, but of course it didn't work. This was the man I loved, after all. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes before I looked at the screen once more. I slowly but surely typed out two words that could potentially change my whole life again, maybe for the worse, maybe for the better. Either way, it would change.

_Dear Kurt,_

* * *

So please don't hate me for that cliffhanger! And as always thanks to my lovely beta; loquaciouslauryn! **  
**

Also, I would love it if you would take a few seconds and leave me a review! It makes me want to write quicker...


	6. Chapter 6

**Pre A/N: Warning for triggers. **

Is 40 years old too young to look back on your life with nothing but regret? I need a release; my life has turned out like nothing I would have thought. Fifteen years ago I looked upon my life with nothing but hopes and dreams and now all I see is regret. The world used to be filled with possibilities and now I can't see a single thing worth living every single day for.

Kurt would be so much better off if I just lost all contact with him again and never went to see him. He might finally get the closure if I told him that I don't want to be with him and that I stopped loving him a long time ago. Maybe if I was stronger I could; but I'm not. I'm selfish so I'm going to go back. I'm going to spread my toxic ways into his life and corrupt it.

If I could stop myself life would be so much better for him. He wouldn't have to risk heart break again and he could love someone who he wouldn't be scared would hurt him…again. He could trust this new person, someone who'd appreciate all the love that he had to give. The love that I took for granted.

I need to stop myself from making this mistake, I decide. If I'm not here then I can't hurt him. I've decided it in that moment that I need to get away; somewhere where I can't hurt Kurt or Melody anymore. Before I know what's going on I'm up on my feet searching through my crappy little apartment for my gun license. My father made me get it because he thought having it would 'make me straight'. It's safe to say I'm still gay based on the pile of porn DVD's that have gathered on my bookshelf from over the years.

I find it in a pile of old bills and letters. It's dusty having been untouched for so long but it's exactly what I need in this moment. I shove it deep inside my pocket then I go to search for my shoes. They're by the door so I shove them on quickly before running out of my apartment and down to the street where my car is parked. I almost slip and fall several times because I'm running there so fast. But finally I make it to the car. I jump in a turn the key in the ignition, the car roars to life.

I head off on the road driving a little faster then usual. It seems fitting that their really isn't that much traffic and in a way I'm grateful. I know where I'm headed and the sooner I get there the better. It's still New York City though so it takes me a good 35 minutes to get there.

All the while my brain is buzzing with thoughts; thoughts that I really don't want; my conversation with Melody, Kurt's and Rachel's Facebook messages, the look of pure terror on Kurt's face after he hugged me and he knew for sure that I was real. The look of disappointment and rage Rachel wore the entire time she talked at me. It was all bouncing around in my brain but each guilt trip pointed me in the same direction.

Finally I pull up to the place. I park my car along the side walk haphazardly and dash into the store; I'm determined to make it there before it closes. Luckily I'm on time but not by much. I walk right up to the counter and cough slightly to get the old man's attention.

The man with bright white hair and a bushy gray beard turns around and looks me over. I feel exposed and I want to cover myself up, retreat back into the whole I'd dug myself into and stay there forever. Or better yet, I want to go back to high school. When I was just a teenager in love with my boyfriend and nothing else mattered; oh what I would give to be back in the retched halls of McKinley.

"What can I get you?" he asked me in a firm tone. I can tell he's not one to mess around with. Not that I was planning on causing trouble there anyways, I've done enough of that for the people in my life.

"**Nosler M48 TG****R" I say. I'm not messing around and I need something that will get the job done. **

**"Excellent choice, perfect for getting things done in one shot" he says. His tone his eerie and it's sort of freaking me out. **

**"That's the plan" I say with a polite no, I'm nothing if not dapper. That's one thing that hasn't changed through all the hell that my life has been over the last fifteen years. **

**"License?" he asks. The piece of paper feels hot in my hands as I remove it from my pocket. I slide it over the counter and his old wrinkly hands snatch it up quickly; eager to close the shop once I leave. **

**Once he inspects it thoroughly and determines that I am in fact Blaine Tony Anderson and I do have my gun license he slides back my piece of paper and I return it to the depths of my jeans pockets. **

**He removes the gun from its case and hands it to me in exchange for a form of pay. I give him the cash leaving a little behind as a tip before dashing out the door and back into my awaiting car. I start driving down the high way as fast as the speed limits will let me until I get to the forested area I've been longing for ever since I got the idea only an hour and a half previously. I pull my car up next to a tree and turn everything off. I get my gun from the passenger seat and I hurry into the thick covering of trees. **

**I find a spot that I've deemed fit and I set my gun on a stump. It's cool outside but the temperature is the least of my worries at the moment. The layers of guilt that have built up around me over the last fifteen years of my life feel heavy. ****I calmly get into position and grab my gun. I know that some people will see my choice of coping outrageous and wrong but to me it is right. It's what I need and things will only get better. **

**Slowly once my shot is lined up clear and square right in the center of pure forehead I pull the trigger and the layers of guilt melt away. **

**Post A/N: Don't hate me!**


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